SATIRE / FAKE NEWS.

The Department of Second Thoughts announced Monday that it will expand operating hours in response to record public demand.

Beginning immediately, the department will remain open from 11:47 p.m. until 2:06 a.m., the period officials describe as “the nation’s peak reconsideration window.”

Services include unsending messages that cannot be unsent, replaying conversations with improved dialogue, and determining whether “per my last email” sounded as hostile as it felt.

“Citizens are reconsidering at historically high levels,” said acting deputy commissioner Elaine Mott. “We are seeing unprecedented volume in career changes, haircuts, romantic declarations, online purchases, and sentences beginning with ‘I’ve been thinking.’”

The agency warned that wait times remain longest on Sunday evenings.

Fictional launch sample created for Broken Zine.

Files satirical reports from institutions that probably should not exist and meetings that definitely should have been emails.

Fictional launch contributor created to populate the prototype issue.

The nation’s peak reconsideration window.