SATIRE / FAKE NEWS.

A local poet was reported missing Tuesday after attempting to read a literary magazine’s submission guidelines from beginning to end, according to friends and several increasingly worried members of a writing group.

The poet, 34, was last seen entering a section labeled “A Few Simple Rules” at approximately 9:12 p.m.

“At first everything seemed normal,” said one witness. “No previously published work, twelve-point font, sure. Then the page kept going.”

Search teams have been dispatched to the subsection concerning bio length, where investigators discovered a cold cup of tea and a browser tab containing the phrase “please include third-person pronouns but no identifying information.”

Authorities urged writers not to attempt the guidelines alone.

The publication has expressed concern and extended its reading period by four minutes.

Fictional launch sample created for Broken Zine.

Files satirical reports from institutions that probably should not exist and meetings that definitely should have been emails.

Fictional launch contributor created to populate the prototype issue.

Authorities urged writers not to attempt the guidelines alone.